What He Says… And What I Say… A Rant Against A Rant
I found this little rant on Fanfiction.net and I couldn’t help but get a chuckle at this. Maybe you can get a few as well..
Problems I have with Ranma Fic Writers, A Rant
What He said…
Genma is not some lazy, stupid monster dammit!
What I say…
Are we talking about the same
Genma Saotome here?
What He said…
Genma sealed Happosai in cave 10 yrs ago, then went home.
What I say…
Oh yeah, he sealed Happosai away…
after stealing several kegs of sake, then getting the old letch drunk out of
his skull, then tossed him into a cave with several sticks of dynamite. Real
honorable… right.
What He said…
He maybe spent few months with his wife, then took Ranma on decade long training journey, and promised to make him a 'man among men' which by Nodaka's standards would be someone like Happosai, ie. a total pervert and man whore.
What I say…
Doubtful, since Nodoka never even
met Happosai at the time. Peeping yes, but going out and stealing women’s underwear,
stealing food and cause massive property destruction? I’ve NEVER HEARD Ranma’s
Mom use that description of a ‘man among men.’
What He said…
He then trains Ranma the exact same way Happosai, 300yr old martial arts grandmaster, taught him, tortuous training, little food etc, but much, much, much softer. Happi, for example, stole food + undies from villages, then forced his slaves/apprentices to work off the debt. He then would chain them to a tree/rock/etc and eat/drink in front of them, and this was going on for decades at least. Kasumi is 19+ and the Chardin incident was before Soun had even thought of having any kids.
What I say…
And you do recall that it was the
training which DROVE Genma and Soun to seal Happosai away. And just like Happosai,
Genma’s abuse of Ranma during the training will come back to haunt him.
What He said…
Also while Genma admittedly has...loose morals, he has never outright broken a sworn promise.
What I say…
Again, are we talking about the
same Genma Saotome?
What He said…
But what about Ukyo you say? Let us examine. After informing her father of an outstanding engagement to a Tendo, Ukyo's father essentially bribed him into making the deal that, in exchange for Ukyo being made Ranma's fiancee, the yattai was Genma's.
What I say…
Gee, let’s have a look at that
scene…
Flashback (manga version)
Genma: Take your Ukyo to be
Ranma’s bride? I’m sorry to say the boy has already been promised.
Ukyo’s Father: I see. Most
regrettable. I would have offered my yattai as a dowry.
Genma: (boing!) But aren’t
promises meant to be broken?
Flashback (anime version)
Same as above with Genma saying…
Genma: SOLD!
Ukyo’s Dad did NOT bribe Genma.
He only said he WOULD HAVE offered his yattai as a dowry. When Genma clearly
agreed to the proposal, the cart became the dowry.
What He said…
That is what a dowry is, a gift to the groom's father to let your daughter join his family. Ukyo (and possibly her father, but probably not. You didn't see her father running after them after all...) may have believed that the agreement meant that Ukyo would travel with the Saotomes, but that is neither here nor there. As soon as that betrothal was finalized and agreed on, that yatai was legally Genma's.
What I say…
You’d better look up the true
meaning of a dowry. According to Webster’s dictionary or Wikipedia…
A dowry (also known as trousseau
or tocher or, in Latin, dos, or in Croatian and Slovenian, dota)
is the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage.
It is not to be confused with a bride price, which is paid to the bride's parents, and dower, which is property settled on the bride herself by the groom
at the time of marriage.
Originally, the purpose of a
dowry was to provide "seed money" or property for the establishment
of a new household, to help a husband feed and protect his family, and to give the wife and
children some support if he were to die. A husband thus had certain property
rights in his wife's dowry. In addition, the wife might bring to the marriage
property of her own, which was not included in the dowry and which was, as a
result, hers alone.
In other words, the yattai dowry
is for Ranma and Ukyo’s usage, and not legally Genma’s. Ranma’s father greedily
took it for himself. Furthermore, he did NOT honor his side of the bargain to
take Ukyo with them.
What He said…
And to the people who are all, "but the yatai was their livelihood, without it they were destitute!one!1! O_O" If Ukyo could buy her own restaurant in Tokyo by age 16, they were nowhere near poor.
What I say…
I never saw anything about that
in the original series, and the fact that Ukyo managed to bring herself up from
such a childhood trauma and run a successful restaurant is quite commendable.
The loss of the yattai due to a broken promise for marriage was the real sore
subject, not a question of financial matters.
What He said…
Continuing on, when she finally catches up with him, instead of denying it or even just running away, he admits that Ukyo is one of Ranma's fiancees. This is not the action of a dishonorable man. Cowardly, maybe. Dishonorable, no.
What I say…
Sure, and that has nothing to do
with the fact that he waited over TEN YEARS to just tell his son about the
engagement and the fact that he was cornered at the time. Would he have ever
told Ranma about it if Ukyo hadn’t found them? HELL NO!
And of course, he was just as
ready to lay blame on Ranma for this mess with that ‘choosing okonomiyaki over
Ukyo’ nonsense. (see previous rant)
What He said…
Furthermore, Genma's supposed super laziness can't be that great, after all he could have stayed home with his wife for the past decade... No ,instead he roughs it out in the wild with his son for TEN YEARS with little food and zero comforts.
What I say…
Gee, if he stays home, then that
means he’ll have to… (GASP)… GET A JOB! Work nine to five! Pay the bills!
Pay the mortgage! Pay taxes! PAY FOR THE FOOD! Send Ranma off to college!
Or you can just be a freeloading
wanderer, avoid all that responsibility, steal what you need, and if things
turn out badly, you can either barter your son with an arranged marriage that
you have no intention of keeping, and blame everything on the boy when the
consequences come back to haunt you.
What He said…
Then when he gets back to the Tendo's after the trip, and basically does nothing?
What I say…
The only thing better than being
a freeloading wanderer, is being a freeloading houseguest.
What He said…
I'd say he deserves it! After being Happosai's slave for at least ten, maybe twenty years, filled with starvation and grueling labor/torture, creating two of his own, incredibly dangerous schools of martial arts, then spending another ten years training and raising a six year old kid into the kind of martial artist that at the age of 17 could go toe-to-toe with 300yr old grandmasters, destroy at least 2 mountains, and KILL A KAMI, I think I would be ready for retirement too!
What I say…
Of course, you neglect the facts
that all of Genma’s techniques are based on thievery, groveling, running from
the law, and that Ranma had to do nearly all of the work himself.
What He said…
And for Nodaka's promise... he pulls through.
What I say…
No he does not.
What He said…
He might not think so he doesn't even try to go near her because he knows, if she thinks that Ranma is 'unmanly' they are DEAD.
What I say…
This only proves how much Genma
will go to avoid responsibilities and the consequences of his crimes.
What He said…
Getting Ranma hitched is probably the ONLY thing that would keep them alive, and you will note that he goes to the Tendo's right after they get cursed. He almost beats the postcard he sent FROM Jusenkyo to Nerima. He doesn't dawdle around here.
What I say…
Gee, if I had a warm bed, free
food and a roof over my head waiting for me after a lifetime of living
outdoors, I’d high-tail it too. And just remember, they were being chased by
Shampoo at the time, so hiding in another country is a good way to shake your
pursuers for a while.
What He said…
In the end, Nodaka is totally happy with how Ranma's turned out.
What I say…
Which is due to Ranma’s efforts,
with absolutely no help from his worthless father. Genma would have been
perfectly happy to hide from Nodoka for the rest of their lives.
What He said…
Some other pet peeves...
Akane is NOT a total psycho bitch that blames Ranma for looking at girls funny and mallets him into oblivion.
What I say…
Now are we talking about the same
Akane?
What He said…
For one thing, she mostly hits him with her fist…
What I say…
So you DO admit that she’s
violent.
What He said…
… for another he CAN dodge...he just doesn't because she is in no way a threat to him.
What I say…
Not exactly something a martial
artist should do, but even I can’t explain realistically why Ranma would let
her hit him.
What He said…
She is without a doubt the WEAKEST of the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Even if you include Kasumi (she would look at you and you would feel bad for thinking of fighting her.) On the Super Martial Artist scale, she is a .5 at best. And there is a good reason for that. THE LAST LESSON SHE HAD WAS WHEN SHE WAS SIX. Yes she has still practiced since (If you call breaking cinder blocks, beating on posts, and taking jogs training.) and yes, she can plow through the guys at school like they were tissue paper, but there is no way in HELL she will EVER be near the skill level of the others. EVER. It would take her years to get to KUNO'S level. Stop making her a super power that rivals Ranma after a month of training IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.
What I say…
Well, it looks like we finally
found something we agree on.
Also Akane lovers, note that I said 'total' there. As Kasumi said "She is really a very sweet girl, she's just a violent maniac." Direct quote from book one there. Akane has Issues. Big ones. If the Living Goddess that is Kasumi calls you a violent maniac, you have done some bad (censored). When Kasumi loses her temper, she pokes you in the forehead, then wonders if she was too harsh. We are talking the closest thing to Jesus, Buddha and Belldandy you are going to find on mortal earth. The girl is a Saint of Sainthood, and she thinks Akane is a violent maniac. Very Bad Things Were Done.
What I say…
No argument here on this.
What He said…
The Amazons. Right off the bat, Shampoo is a bit of a bitch. A over-proud if somewhat provoked bitch. Yes they stole the food, but afterwards?
What I say…
And that’s not enough to make YOU
irritated? You’re working hard to be the Champion of your village and then
someone just takes your prize after you win it.
What He said…
Ranma challenges her for the right to the food, wins and food is now hers.(and, technically, the Joketsuzoku Championship I suppose...) Immediately wins, one-shots her out of the picture like swatting a fly. "Oh but Shampoo was tired and after all the other fights it wasn't possibly fair she was soooo under her top condition" you whine... TOUGH (CENSORED). She took the challenge, if she didn't think she could hack it, she should have had them wait. And then, after losing? Kiss of DEATH time! That puts her on Ryoga's level right there. Swearing to track someone to the ends of the earth and killing them over some meat buns and watermelon?
What I say…
Just remember that when you’re in
a foreign country, you’ve got to abide by their laws. Furthermore, Genma and
Ranma were in the wrong for taking something that wasn’t theirs to begin with.
Asking first before eating the prize would have avoided the issue altogether. A
lot of wars have been started over misunderstandings over local laws and breach
of conduct.
What He said…
Major pride issues. Moving on to Cologne. (Also it is Cologne, Moose and Shampoo. NOT Ku Lon, Mu Tzu, and Xian Pu. Although I do agree that they would be better RL names, this IS a HumorFic, so hair products and spices/fruits(Herb Mint Lime Saffron)are correct and valid names.)
What I say…
Obviously, you are not a fanfic
writer, otherwise you would know that it is up to the writer how he/she wants
to pronnounce or spell a character’s name.
If he/she wants to put in a bit more realism, then that’s fine.
What He said…
She obviously is making no real effort to bring him back to China. The whole Kiss of Marriage thing, is obiviously Shampoo's way of get out of admitting she knocked herself out with her own weapon.
Colonge is way too old a politician (she is The One and Only Matriarch remember, that does not go to a political fool.) not to see how Shampoo is trying to save face, and she treats it as it is. She tests Ranma to see if he is worthy of her, then just sits back and enjoys the chaos.
What I say…
Okay, so Ryoga’s Breaking Point
Training, the Watermelon Race, (Snowman Race in the anime), the Miss Martial
Arts Takeout Race, (manga version), Magic Mushrooms, Red String of Fate and the
Reversal Jewel OVA weren’t attempts to bring Ranma into the tribe? Ands just
remember that Shampoo and the Amazons are just ONE part of the Ranma cast, so
we can’t ALWAYS have them in every episode.
What He said…
The Amazons themselves, are NOT a super powerful shadow group secretly controlling China and capable of twisting Japanese law to suit their diabolical whims. They're a podunk village/town in the ass end of the mountains that nobody cares about.
What I say…
Once again, you are missing the
point of fanfiction, in which what a character becomes is entirely up to the
writer. Sometimes, even I disagree on
how a writer may depict someone, but if they can come up with a solid
explanation or backstory, then they have the right to put in anything they
want. Look at me. I changed the history of a character so it works in the
story. In Fighting Blind I had Ranma raised by the Amazons. In Beast Within,
Ranma’s werewolf family are allies with the Amazons.
What He said…
Jusenkyo. Jusenkyo, Jusenkyo, Jusenkyo...
I could rant how it's a secluded little valley deep in the Himalayas and that you aren't going to have lions and tigers and simolidons and Seiyans and cabbits et al falling and drowning, but (censored) it there are a Yeti-riding-Bull-while-carrying-Eel-and-Crane pools, Asura pools, Octopus pools (Btw, fresh water pools, salt water creature. That is how an octopus drowns.) put whatever you want, more power to ya. The Curses themselves however... The Jusenkyo Curse is simple. Subject enters pool. If pool is uncursed, subject drowns, and whoever falls in after 'takes body of what fell in pool' Therefore! If you fall in cursed pool, you will look like what drowned there. Kiima looked EXACTLY like Akane.
HOWEVER. Fact 1: Akane did not drown. Fact 2: Instant Jusenkyo Powder must be made somehow. Fact 3: The powder will OVERRIDE, not merge, with another, permanent, curse.
THEREFORE. Semi-drownings must make Instant Pools, that will let you look like Exactly like what was immersed. This explains the anomaly of Kiima's curse.
For other, True Curses however... the plot thickens. Herb and Kiima's stooges did indeed look like female/human versions of themselves...
HOWEVER they are also Jusenkyo Valley natives, whose blood is tainted with its magics. The Musk from mating with humanized beasts,
and the Pheonix People evolved from continuous immersion and consumption of runoff from a heaven-only-knows-how-many-kinds-of-bird pool.
This, I believe caused magical contamination of their curse forms, making them more similar to there natural states. on an untainted human like Ranma however...
NOTE! Herb maintains the same hair/eye color in both his forms, HOWEVER! Ranma gains nigh inhumanly scarlet hair (Nodaka is auburn at best), and her eyes are a cerulean blue, while HIS are a stormy gray. FURTHERMORE! After Shampoo's return to China, Colonge states that she requires further training and takes her to Jusenkyo...buuuut after Shampoo falls in the pool...they stop and return to the village... (also Shampoo's father is there, at Jusenkyo, says "OH, My daughter" and later appears at the cafe in Nerima, you jerks. she has parents o\/o) why would this help her unless...getting a curse makes you more powerfull! Zooom to Nerima: Ryoga, Ranma, Shampoo, Moose, ~Genma~, Taro, Herb, Rouge, Saffron(Pheonix power, make up!)
...all of the strongest fighters that aren't 300 years old all have curses. a possible exception may be Ryu Kumon, but he had spent years learning the Yama-Sen-Ken, and possibly was in the army at one point...
and he still got pwnt after only a week of Ranma practicing what Genma beat into him in ONE FIGHT (talk about a straight line learning curve! who gave him a Sharingan and forgot to tell us?) so I doubt that counts.
ERGO! Ranma must look like a combination of the chick who fell in, probably an Amazon, and himself, (Word of God is, he looks like his own sister soo...~_~)with a boost to his powers,
that possibly increased over time, (Consider Kuno almost nailed him in the begining to 'Kami THIS, bitch!' at the end there.)
AND the curse does NOT change his body. It must create a NEW form, then swapping the two, possibley through subspace (weapon/hammerspace) whenever the curse is activated,
like flipping a switch (much more energy efficient that way, plus it gets around that whole 'conservation of mass' issue). ADDEMENDUM! the curse does NOTHING to preserve life in case of preggers!
(**WORD OF GOD**"Ranma would never become pregnant, so what does it matter?"**) It is a simple reapplication of a precreated template. ALSO! Curse forms do NOT age.
Everytime the curse activates, your body would be back to how it had been when you first got it. Otherwise, Luckosai would not still have a curse form of 'Young Boy'.
He would have grown up at some point, but as his form is still that of a little kid...
Ok. Done ranting. For now...Also if you followed all that...Congrats. I think I got lost...
What I say…
Apparently, after reading all this
ranting about Jusenkyo and about your pet peeves about how fanfic writers twist
the original about to suit their stories, I can tell that you are NOT a fan of
alternate universes and changes to canon. My advice…
DON’T READ FANFICS. It’s just that
simple.
Fanfics have no rules, nor
regulations. We writers just take something that has been established, added
our additions or alterations, and see where it leads us. So if you don’t want
to see any changes to the original, then you shouldn’t even TRY to read other versions.
If you’re going to complain this much about minor details and not following the
basic storyline, then you should stay away from fanfiction.net entirely. If you
want to read fanfics, then you’ll have to expect differences from what you’ve
read or seen.
Now I’ve finished with my rant.