Disclaimer: This is getting to be a habit.
< >: Thoughts
I've been getting a few requests for a self-insert fic and I guess one
could call this piece of work as such. This is not meant to have any
plot or meaning. It's just something to amuse my fellow anime-maniacs.
I must warn you though, this is most DEFINITELY not for Akane-lovers.
<This is boring! > Toltiir thought as he watched the winner of his
infamous Bet come to a dead stop. Featherbrite's Tale seemed to be
going nowhere. <I would've thought that Queen Titania would keep tabs
on the timeline that won! She was the one that threw in that stone and
it got the most votes! It hasn't gone anywhere after those girls
became pseudo-senshi and Ranma had been reduced to a whining, Pretty
Star Princess or something.>
The deity gave another sigh as he turned his head away from Mimir's
Well. <THIS was supposed to make Ranma better?! The other girls are
doing all right and even that violent tomboy is getting more breaks
than he is. I guess Oberon's wife seems to have lost interest in
maintaining this reality.> The God of Mischief could see that the
timeline was starting to lose its integrity and the edges were
He soon became bored with the affair and was about to leave the room,
when he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye.
Branching off from the main time stream of Ranma Saotome's existence,
were several alternate realities, many of which were originating from
a crucial point in Ranma's existence; the Cat Fist training.
Normally, this wouldn't have caught Toltiir's attention. After all, he
and the rest of the pantheons had viewed thousands of diverging
timelines concerning Genma Saotome's son. In fact, an operative of
theirs, Grey was mucking about in several of them, trying to complete
his labors. However, these specific timelines were causing quite a
ruckus with all the ones that were near it. He could see that they
definitely went against the normal routine, and they became especially
erratic whenever those Ranmas encountered Akane Tendo.
<Well, well, well. What do we have here? > The Trickster became
interested as he began watching the various timelines in which Ranma
actually got better. Of course, he had more than his fair share of
problems, but unlike the original Ranma, these Ranmas actually fought
back at Akane and that violent maniac was pushed to a minor role.
Another good thing was that the other girls were getting better roles
and better chances of snagging Ranma. That was always a plus. It got
so tiring seeing Ranma end up with the same girl over and over again,
especially when those timelines ended tragically. He shuddered when he
remembered that timeline when Akane ran Ranma and Ukyo through with
Nodoka's katana in a fit of utter rage and jealousy.
<Hmmm, not bad! I know that Bast would love THAT timeline. It kind of
reminds me of that Source of Pride and Cat Scratch Fever. Hey, it even
has her in it! Maybe she had something to do with this one too! >
At that moment, the Cat Goddess in question padded her way in and
transformed to her humanoid form. She startled Toltiir as she looked
over his shoulder.
"I like! Who did this timeline?"
"Huh? You didn't do this one?"
"Not me. You?"
"No! I just saw this reality myself. This one and these others." He
gestured to the realities which all seemed to have been made in the
same fashion. Basically, Ranma had gotten away from the influence of
his idiotic father and had chosen to lead his own life. One reality
had him a member of the Amazons. Another had him as some kind of super
space bounty hunter. The one they were watching had him in complete
control of the Neko Ken. One of the most extreme cases was when Ranma
had gotten involved with the High Priestess of the Tattoon Tribe.
"So who did these?" Bast asked.
"I don't know. Let's see..." The two deities began following the
timelines back to their points of creation and found that those
realities had not been caused by some god or goddess' meddling, but by
a mere human with a very overactive imagination.
"He's the cause of all this chaos? He's just a fanfic writer!"
Bast nodded as she thought back to the Bet. "Well, we did use a LOT of
chrono-energy in creating those Bet timelines and the ones that were
rejected, eventually dissipated into random energy fluctuations." She
then began looking through the list of stories that the writer had
thought up. "Hmmm, Cat Fist Fury... Fighting Blind... Ranmatech...
Green Lantern Ranma... Weapon Ranma... Legend of Ranma... Fist of the
Pikachu... he has written much in just three years and these are some
of his most popularrrr stories. Most impressive!"
"What are you saying? Are all these timelines his creation?"
"Look at all the fan mail and flames he has generated. He's causing a
lot of chaos by himself and all that leftover energy from your Bet
must have created these new timelines based on his ideas."
"I guess..." The Trickster shrugged as he peered into the well and
then got an idea.
"This Animeaddiction person seems to be all for helping Ranma, right?"
"Yessss. So what?"
"So why don't we give him a chance to REALLY help Ranma? Just for
The Trickster smirked, then picked up a stone and tossed it into the
pool, making one single, solitary ripple.
Hung Nguyen, also known as Animeaddiction, was having a tough time of
writing the finished version of the fifteenth chapter of Fist of the
Pikachu, especially with his right wrist still hurting a bit. He
decided that it could wait as he went to get himself a Coke. As he
left to pull out a can from the fridge, his computer screen began
flashing and pulled up the files on his other stories, including all
the techniques he had created for each of his alternate Ranmas.
When the fanfic writer returned to his keyboard, he looked up and saw
what was on. He scratched his head and wondered to himself.
<Wait a second... I don't remember pulling up these files...> He
looked toward the floppy drive. <I don't even have the disk inserted.
Did I save this on the hard drive again? > Hung wondered for a few
more minutes, then shrugged as he scanned the contents of the files.
<Wow, I really went overboard on some of these moves. Too bad the
original Ranma didn't have all the skills and smarts that mine do. Oh
well, one can only dream and write...>
Animeaddiction decided to call it a night and prepared to shut down
his computer. Just as he clicked the icon to save his files, a huge
data surge occurred which caused his entire system to freeze up and
then... it happened.
Through Toltiir's and Bast's influence, the entire contents of Hung's
data files on his alternate Ranmas were instantly transferred into his
head, Every subtle detail and the secrets to all those techniques
became imprinted into his head, which caused the writer to pass out
when his cerebral cortex experienced total sensory overload.
"Well, now.... where should we put him?" The Trickster asked.
"How about... right here?" Bast replied.
"Oh, too bad." The Jusenkyo Guide as he watched Ranma surface from the
pool. "You fall in Spring of Drowned Girl. There very tragic story of
young girl, who fall in there, one thousand, five hundred year ago.
Legend say, whoever fall in spring, take body of young girl."
Ranma-chan gulped as she looked down at the front of her gi and saw
her breasts. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
It was at that point that deep within his mind, someone else became
aware of the sudden addition and lack of certain body parts.
<AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!>
"Huh? Who said that?" Ranma-chan asked when she heard the different
voice in her head. Then she suddenly felt her head move on its own as
she found herself staring down at her reflection in the water.
<WHAT THE...?! How come I look like Ranma's cursed form?! >
"WHO SAID THAT?!" Ranma-chan repeated.
The Jusenkyo Guide became perplexed. He had seen many victims become a
bit maddened and shocked for a while, but this was the first time he
had ever seen a victim that argued with himself.
"Ah hah. So Animeaddiction's essence has been bonded with Ranma's?"
The prankster of the kami nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. I tweaked it a
bit so they could understand each other despite the fact that Ranma
speaks no English and Hung speaks no Japanese other than a few phrases
like hello, goodbye and which way to the bathroom. I also added a few
other.... shall we say... extras?"
<WHOA!> Hung had never been able to move this fast before, and it was
kind of strange being in another person's body. It was like putting on
another person's suit. At present, the female Ranma was chasing her
panda father all over the cursed springs, ignoring the new voice in
her head, at least until after pounding Genma flat for dragging her to
Jusenkyo in the first place.
<Hey! Look out! > Hung shouted mentally.
Ranma-chan was so intent on catching on catching her idiotic father
that she didn't notice that she was about to crash into someone. The
fanfic writer noticed however, and then unconsciously took control of
the redhaired girl's movements.
"Huh?!" Ranma-chan felt some unseen force suddenly take hold of her
entire body and caused it to twist in midair. As a result, her
extended knee missed Ryoga's head by scant millimeters. However, her
foot connected with the Lost Boy's temple, causing him to be knocked
into the Spring of Drowned Pig anyway.
<Shoot! How do I stop?! > Hung now knew how Rick Hunter must have felt
when he first piloted a Battloid in Robotech. With Hung in total
control of his motor responses, Ranma-chan found herself flailing
about as the fanfic writer tried to get a feel for the body he was in.
The cursed martial artist went twisting and tumbling down the slope
and found herself heading toward another set of cursed pools.
<Hold on! I think I got it! >
Ranma-chan braced for another splashdown, but then her arms shot out
and her body went into a forward handspring. She then found herself
leaping about in an acrobatic routine that would have netted her a
Platinum Medal at the Olympics. She didn't now what was going on as
she found her body moving on its own violation with her being brought
along for the ride. She then began kicking and punching as her body
began automatically performing a kata that she had often practiced. It
was then that she began to notice a few things. She actually felt more
power flowing through her blows. She was also moving at a much higher
rate of speed and felt more healthier than she'd ever been.
"So... let me get this straight. Now that Hung's essence has been
combined with Ranma's... that body now has an additional store of ki,
plus added physical abilities?"
"Yup. We're talking increased strength, stamina, speed, agility and so
forth." Toltiir answered. "Hung's essence is on a kind of astral plane
to Ranma's soul, so there isn't any mixing of their minds. However,
Hung can take full control of Ranma's body at any time. And since
they're both linked, Hung now has all of Ranma's current martial arts
skills and knowledge, including how to speak and read the Japnese
language. He's also going to learn a few other things as time goes
<Oh yeah! That was great!>
"JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" Ranma-chan screamed when she finally
regained control of her body and slumped to her knees.
The voice in her head paused for a moment, then replied. <You don't
have to shout. I'm right here. As for who I am, you could say that I'm
one of your biggest fans.>
Ranma-chan growled at her father as the two of them sat in the Guide's
Hut. As they waited for the Guide, the girl had a mental conversation
<So let me get this straight. You're a writer? >
<Yeah. I do a lot of fanfiction and you're one of the main characters
in my stories. I was working on the latest chapter of Fist of the
Pikachu, when suddenly, I find myself in your body. By the looks of
things, I'd say that I'm in the first episode. So that dope, Genma
couldn't even read a word of Chinese, but still dragged you here,
"Stupid old man." The girl growled as the Guide came into the room
with a teakettle.
Both Genma and Ranma became relieved when they were transformed back
into their male selves. For Hung, it was quite a sensation and he felt
a slight tingle.
"All right! We're cured!" Ranma said happily. Then suddenly his
expression changed as he found his mouth moving on its own violation.
"No, we're not. This is only going to be until the next time cold
water hits us." Then Ranma said in surprise. "Huh? Will you stop
The Guide stared at him with a puzzled look. "Why you talking to
"I'm not! I mean, something just made my mouth say that! There's this
voice in my head that keeps on taking control of my body!"
"Cursed Springs not do this before. However, customer is right. Cold
water change to cursed form, hot water change back."
At this time, Genma thought that he could live with the curse, but was
getting worried that his son's sanity was beginning to snap. He wasn't
just talking to himself, he was arguing with himself. It could be
another aftereffect from the Cat Fist training.
Hung was getting perplexed as he began to realize his situation. He
had somehow been transferred into the body of Ranma Saotome. And if
this was a canon universe, then he was in for a world of pain. He
decided that until he could find a way to get out, he was going to
make certain to avoid all the crap that Ranma was going to endure. He
sure as hell wasn't going to endure it with him. With that in mind, he
took control of Ranma's mouth again and asked the Jusenkyo Guide, "So
where's the Spring of Drowned Man?"
"I said cut that out!" Ranma shouted out, then he realized what Hung
had asked for and turned to the Guide.
To the Guide, this was a first. No customer had ever asked for the
right pool to cancel out the curse he or she became stuck with. He
nodded and replied, "Oh sir! You first one who ask for cure! Not good
right now to jump into Spring of Drowned Man. Curse still not stable.
Must wait one year before go into spring. Otherwise, customer may get
parts of both springs."
Hung and Ranma both shuddered at the thought about turning into some
kind of hermaphrodite. The writer sighed inwardly as he realized that
this was just going to get worse.
End of Prologue...
For those of you who are wondering, yes there is more and I will
promise you that things are going to get even stranger.