Disclaimer: By now you know the drill.
< >: Thoughts
Insert Self
Chapter 4
This is All Your Fault, Ranma!
<Man! THAT was pathetic!> Ranma mentally commented as he and his other self 
conversed while sitting in homeroom.
<What was pathetic?> Hung asked. <The fact that Akane tried to do Street 
Fighter moves, or the fact that she got pounded by nearly all the sports 
teams AND Kuno?>
<Both. I mean, what was she thinking?>
<She probably heard from Nabiki or someone, that we play a lot of fighting 
arcade games and use those moves.>
<Yeah, but we only use those for inspiration and fun! You already had my 
body primed and ready for months!>
<And don't forget that you had been training for ten years, plus the fact 
that we both train every night to master those videogame moves.>
<Right! Did Akane think that she could use those moves after playing a few 
games and not train for anything?>
Animeaddiction mentally shrugged. <What can I say? Akane's been sheltered 
for most of her life and hadn't experienced any real challenges. She thinks 
she's a great martial artist and is therefore entitled to things without 
having to earn them. It looks like she isn't above taking shortcuts either. 
I guess that's why she didn't think it was cheating during the Super Soba 
and Battle Dogi episodes.>
<Super Soba? Battle Dogi? What's are those?>
<Events that may or may not happen in a couple of months. You'll find that a 
lot of that stuff happens. Some people that you will meet, may say that they 
fight with honor or that they're true martial artists, but that's just a 
load of bull. Whenever they think that they can get some kind of edge or can 
win by cheating, then fighting with honor goes right out the window to 
satisfy injured pride, revenge or some other kind of nonsense. Your father, 
Soun, Akane, Ryoga, Mousse, Kuno, Pantyhose... they're ALL hypocrites when 
it comes to honor.>
<Who are those other people?>
<You'll see in a while and... watch it!>
Hung was suddenly cut off as Ranma's body reacted by reflex. His right hand 
shot out and caught a piece of chalk before it could bounce off his 
The teacher glared at Ranma for lack of attention and pointed to the door. 
"Buckets, Saotome!"
Ranma and Hung both sighed as they got up from their desk.
"This all your fault!" Akane said angrily as she glared at him from across 
the hallway. She had seen better days.
As she stood while holding her own two pails of water, Ranma glanced at her 
appearance and could tell that she was in considerable pain. She was 
sporting a large shiner over her left eye. Her school dress had several 
smudges, and a few tears on the hem of the skirt. Her hair was a mess and 
she was slightly slouched. Her shoes were scuffed and her socks were dirty. 
Her arms had several bruises and the pigtailed martial artist assumed that 
her limbs weren't the only places that must be sore. He knew that she would 
be aching for days, if not weeks. And of course, the fight had made her 
However, her injuries were not the worst of her problems. She had been 
defeated by several dozen boys. The only reason why they hadn't been trying 
to get into her panties now was the fact that Kuno declared that since he 
was the first who defeated her, he had the first rights to dating her.
It had been one of the most humiliating defeats of her career as a 'true' 
martial artist. She had planned to wipe out the Horde of Hentai with the 
Super Hurricane Kick, but that had been a mistake.
"How can this be MY fault?" Ranma asked nonchalantly. "I'm not the one who 
tried to do a Hurricane Kick without training for it." He couldn't help but 
chuckle. Even though Akane's attempt had been sloppy and uncoordinated, it 
did make her admirers even more enthusiastic when her skirt flew up and 
revealed her panties. That had caused the sports teams and especially Kuno 
to be more eager to defeat her.
"Shut up! You're the reason why I lost today!" Akane growled. She just 
couldn't understand it. She had played so well on Street Fighter III 
yesterday! How could she have possibly lost?!
"Hey! Don't try to blame this on me! I had nothing to do with this. If you 
were stupid enough to try and copy those Street Fighter moves after just 
playing the game, then you deserved what you got."
Hung mentally shook his head. Apparently, Ranma's mouth was still moving 
faster than his brain. <I think that's enough, Ranma. Don't say anything 
else, unless you like the taste of foot. >
Ranma was about to retort, when Hung decided that this was one of those 
times to take over. Ranma's consciousness was shunted to the side as 
Animeaddiction took control.
"I don't see any reason why we're even having this conversation, Ms. Tendo. 
I didn't go and tell you to try and copy Street Fighter moves. It doesn't 
matter how good you are at the game. Unless you train seriously, then 
there's no point in even trying."
Akane growled menacingly at Ranma. How dare he mock her skills! It was all 
his fault that she was now stuck with dating all those perverts, especially 
Hung however, saw no reason to say anything more as he and Ranma quietly 
stood in the hall. Though the writer was quite aware of the hostility being 
directed toward himself and his host, he maintained that Akane needed a dose 
of reality and her lessons in humilty had been long overdue. If she didn't 
learn now that she wasn't the great and unbeatable martial artist that she 
believed herself to be, and train more seriously, then she wouldn't survive 
long against opponents that wouldn't go easy on her. The only real way to 
learn was to take one's lumps. Since Ranma wasn't protecting her, nor 
forming any attachment to her, then that meant that Akane was on her own.
<Hmmm... she'll really be in a big mess when Natsume and Karumi show up. 
That is... if that Dojo Destroyer doesn't pound her flat first. Then again, 
if she gets recruited by the gymnastics team, then Kodachi is going to put 
her in traction before the match.>
<Who? What?> Ranma asked.
<I'll tell you later.>
Later, at Nodoka's home...
Ranma thrust out his palms and let loose with a blue-white ball of ki, which 
impacted against a training dummy and reduced it to splinters and tatters.
<Cool! This is getting easier every day! >
Hung mentally agreed. <Right. Just remember to keep your mind clear and 
don't let your emotions interfere. Using your emotions is a bad habit, 
drains you faster, and raw ki is a lot more powerful anyway. Who knows? 
Maybe we'll figure out the Kamehameha.>
<That would be awesome!> Ranma remarked as he remembered the Dragonball Z 
anime. <Though I can't understand why we have to keep this under wraps.>
<The less our opponents know of our abilities, the more of an edge we'll 
have. Any new technique we master will be kept secret until we need them. In 
any case, training session's over. Time for homework.>
<Aw man!>
<You agreed to this arrangement, Ranma.>
Ranma picked up a towel to wipe his forehead as he headed back into the 
house. <Yeah, yeah. I know. By the way...>
<Do you think Ryoga's going to show up any time?>
<Hmmm... who knows? It's most likely that he's lost in Okinawa or 
Speaking of whom, in Okinawa...
A few days later...
"Hmpf! Just look at him!" Akane scoffed as she and Nabiki watched Ranma at 
the local arcade. Currently, the pigtailed teen was playing King of Fighters 
2001 and was already beating the tar out of one of the Boss Characters.
"What's the matter, Akane? Jealous?" Nabiki teased.
"Yeah right! Like I'm jealous of some videogame-playing nut!"
"Uh-huh. What's there to be jealous of?" Akane's sister said sarcastically. 
"After all, he's able to copy fighting moves from those games easily, while 
you got clobbered after trying to do the same. You're not here because you 
want to know how he does it. Oh yeah. There's nothing to be jealous about."
Cologne was intrigued as she and her party watched Ranma leave the arcade. 
They had been observing him from afar for quite some time, and they had been 
impressed from what they had seen. Perhaps it was time to find out just how 
strong he was.
It was then that she saw Ranma get sprayed by a passing car as it splashed 
through a large puddle. Her eyes widened, along with the others in the group 
as they witnessed him change into a red-haired girl. The now wet Ranma-chan 
was angrily shaking a fist at the driver while shouting out a few choice 
<So... he's been to Jusenkyo eh? This bit of information could prove 
<Stupid Jusenkyo Curse!> Ranma-chan mentally muttered.
<Ah, don't give it any thought. We only have to wait until next year for the 
curse to stabilize, then we can go to the Spring of Drowned Man and reverse 
it. No prob.>
<Yeah, but it's STILL a nuisance!>
<Be grateful that we don't have Kuno coming after us for a date.>
Ranma-chan thought about what Hung had told him of what would have happened 
if he had seen her cursed form and became a bit sick. <EEWWWWWW!> She became 
extremely grateful that Kuno was still obsessed with Akane. Currently, Kuno 
had been pounded and sent into LEO several times with every overture after 
defeating her.
<Come on, let's go get some hot water.>
A little later...
On the street, Hung was mentally on the lookout as he and Ranma headed home. 
They both suddenly stopped when a certain someone came down from the sky and 
crashed headfirst into a nearby dumpster.
"Hello, Kuno-sempai." Ranma greeted with a sigh.
The kendoist pulled himself out of the refuse and gave Ranma a polite bow. 
"Greetings Saotome."
"Akane turned you down again, huh?"
Kuno made a dramatic pose with tears in his eyes. "I cannot fathom it! I 
have shown the lovely Akane my true battle prowess, yet she continues to 
reject my offerings of love and devotion!" He held up a ruined bouquet of 
roses. "I had assumed that once I had defeated her in honorable combat, she 
would return my advances, yet she still does not! However, I shall not waver 
in my resolve! In time, the lovely Akane shall realize that the Blue Thunder 
is her one and only true love!"
"Good for you. Go for it." Hung said.
"That I shall!" With these words, Kuno straightened up and struck a pose 
before walking off to try again.
Hung couldn't help but feel sorry for the dope. Since he was not attacking 
him and Ranma any more, they had determined he wasn't exactly THAT bad, 
though his poetry and pompous attitude was still annoying. Still, having 
Kuno as an ally than an enemy was preferable.
<Man! He is SO pathetic! > Ranma mentally commented.
<Well, better him than us. In any case, we'd better get ready. >
<Ready for what? >
<If I remember my timelines right, we should be getting a visit from Ryoga 
pretty soon. >
Speaking of whom, somewhere near Nagasaki...
"Where is Furinken High School?!"
<Are you sure this is going to work? >
<Well... yes and no. > Hung replied as he and Ranma stood before another 
training dummy. This time, the martial artist was standing in a wide-legged 
stance with his arms held out. <Now, we've mastered the Hiryu Shoten Ha, but 
we can't let on that we know it, in case those Amazons show up. Anyway, that 
technique has some serious drawbacks. One, you have to lead your opponent in 
a spiral and two, he's got to be emitting some serious hot aura while we 
need to keep ours cold. Now I saw this in the Fatal Fury anime, and we 
already know how to do the Screw Upper, so it should work... oh well, here 
goes. >
Both Ranma and Hung began focusing their ki and directed it toward their 
feet. Slowly, but surely, the ground they were standing on began to glow. 
The spiritual energy from nature flowed into their body in response as air 
currents swirled about them. Then, after taking a deep breath, they put 
themselves into a spin.
A huge cyclone was stirred up, but the two found themselves caught up in 
their own technique and were sent flying into the air. They promptly lost 
control and the winds died down, causing them to land hard on their faces.
<Ooh... I don't feel so good. > Hung moaned. <Guess we need some more work 
on that. > (1)
Somewhere in Kyoto...
Finally, a week from that time...
"Ranma, you have a message." Nodoka said as she handed her son a sheet of 
The pigtailed martial artist nodded as he scanned it. "I was wondering when 
he'd show up again."
On the paper was the letter of challenge from the Lost Boy. Ranma shrugged 
as he tossed the paper into a nearby trash bin.
<This won't take long. I'll annihilate him. >
Hung mentally nodded, though he decided to warn Ranma in any case. <Don't 
get too cocky, Ranma. He does have a few maneuvers that you haven't seen 
yet. I think we'd better get ready for those moves. And of course, there's 
Nabiki to worry about. >
<Really? Like what? >
The day before the challenge...
"Did you hear that Ranma and that Ryoga person are going to have a big fight 
at the soccer field?"
Nabiki became very interested after her flunky had related the information. 
This could be very profitable. "Tell me more."
Nearby, Akane scowled. After sending Kuno into the stratosphere once again, 
her thoughts turned dark toward a certain martial artist who was the source 
of all her troubles. It was his fault that Kuno had beaten her! It was his 
fault that all those other perverts were trying to get into her panties! And 
it didn't help matters that her father and that freeloader friend of his 
were trying to press her and her sisters into marrying that jerk! And the 
way he simply dismissed her great skills as a martial artist like they were 
nothing was the final insult. She hoped that Ryoga person would pound Ranma 
flat, because it was all RANMA'S FAULT!
Meanwhile, in the main recreation hall near the back patio, Soun and Genma 
were engaged in another round of shogi, while considering the opportunity to 
unite the schools.
"So your son has accepted a challenge?"
The fat martial artist nodded as he moved a piece. "We couldn't ask for a 
better chance Tendo. After the fight, we'll be able to bring that wayward 
son of mine to the dojo and hold the wedding ceremony right away!" Genma 
reasoned that Ranma would be too exhausted to fight back after the duel, 
thereby would be easy to drag Ranma to the Tendo home. (Just another example 
that Genma's stupidity has no real limits)
Tomorrow would be quite a day.
*It's been a while since I updated this, with all the new ideas swimming in 
my head and pressure from my fans to write more of my other fics. Keep in 
mind that I have absolutely no idea where this self-insert will go, nor do I 
have any plot or ending planned. This is just to blow off some steam and get 
the creative juices flowing. Any ideas on how the Ryoga fight should go?
(1) Don't think that they will always get the move right the first time. In 
some cases, there will be a lot of trial and error, especially when they 
start trying to do Pokemon moves ^_-